I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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