dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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