My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize