I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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