i permit you to call me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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