I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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