I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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