Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
