you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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