Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
