It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
