Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
