We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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