Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
