HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
