take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
