From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
