Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
