OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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