i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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