my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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