i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
