I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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