i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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