apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
