I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
