There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
