He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
