just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
