I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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