I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
