I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was born a porn star she said
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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