God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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