Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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