I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
