mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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