I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
