five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
