I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
