nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
