The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize