Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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