I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
