I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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