Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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