Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize