Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
