Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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