Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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