I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
