On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
