Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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