just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
