Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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