I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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