I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
