is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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