Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
