This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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