The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
