i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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