people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
