this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
