i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
