i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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