Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
