You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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